If you have been to any of our workshops, you probably heard me saying that. It is somehow very important to me, to invite this moment of awareness to all of us, again and again, whenever we are about to engage in something as intense…
Semenawa starts with an offering – from the one in ropes, who is willing to offer themselves, their body and soul, into the play and trust themselves into the discomfort.
Maybe it’s because my approach is deeply informed by somatic bodywork where we learn to trust the expression of the body more than words.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never quite felt at home in the classic D/s dynamic and I respond more to inquiry than to imposition…
But I can’t help but ask myself (and you):
Isn’t it the offering that makes all the difference?
Isn’t it what separates ethical consensual play (whatever it is that you do – verbal consent, CNC, trust thing) from abuse?
Do you feel the desire coming from within? Are you there with your heart? Is there an opening, softening up, or shift of some kind toward what it is that you are doing together? Simply put: do you want them to do that to you?
Yes, it requires the person in ropes to take responsibility for the play space. You are the one to define how deep, and how intimate the play will be by making an offering. You define the boundaries of the playground.
It requires the tying person to be present. You are bound by this offering. You must not take what is not offered.
Offering is an embodied statement. It is not just a mental or spiritual concept, but rather a deeply felt and physical expression of our internal state and motivations. In bodywork, we make the difference between verbal consent and embodied consent, whether “the body agrees”, so to say. Does your body agree? Is there an alignment between your words and your physis?
When contraction is our habitual state… we habitually will go into contraction when it’s difficult. Disconnecting is another outlet often used. We flee the experience we didn’t really choose. But we also habitually check out just because we got used to it, even if we desire the experience. When this is the case, we must do the work with ourselves, to be able to discern our habits from our truth.
Offering is empowering. It’s the opposite of giving yourself up. You are offering something of value – not to lose it, but transform it together into something new… as semenawa is truly a ritual of transformation.
Offering is not transactional. There is nothing we expect in return. It’s not about your partner having to honor or accommodate your offering and deliver a great performance. We make an offering as a response to a desire coming from within of ourselves.
And it’s not about unconditional surrender for everyone. The flavor is yours, it’s an individual expression. It will also change depending on who you play with and your relationships…
How to find our offering? By asking ourselves the question “why” and feeling the answer in our bodies. There are obvious answers. We want to have a good time, we want to have an experience, we want nice pictures, we want to test our limits, we want to learn something new…
But if we stay with our self-inquiry longer for a moment, what is there?
Is there a longing for something deeper?
Can we build on this question to make ourselves available on a deeper level?
Can we connect to this quality to become an invitation for your partner?
Your longing will guide you to your offering.
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(c) “Red Fish” session from 2018 in Kinbaku Lounge – our beginnings – pictures by Scot Kinbaku <3