Tying as Inquiry vs. Imposition

communication rope bondage

This is something that I pondered about alredy for a while and finally was able to pin it after hearing Steve James talking about something similar in spiritual practices.

It is related to why and how of tying. Specifically, when you tie, are you asking an open question with an open mind or are you trying to get somewhere? Do you inquire? Or do you impose? The nuance is very subtle, but for the person being tied, the difference may be more massive than the differences between these widely discussed styles or ryus…

The open question, an “Inquiry” kind of mindset, opens the space for my part: my current mood, my limited physicality, my very own sexuality and everything else. It feels a lot like a dialog with someone who is curious to know me. 

For the person tying, I can imagine, tying like that might feel more risky and vulnerable and probably requires more self-trust. Since there is no narrative, it’s a story with an open end… We can end up having a fight, or a love story or a miscommunication… or nothing at all. Which is equally valuable… unless you think in success / failure terms. 

There is another style of tying (and relating, really) that is a bit more suggestive.

The “Imposition” works under the assumption that the person tying knows already the answer. Could be more of DS dynamic and inducing the reaction the rigger wants to see in the rope bottom (“You will take it for me… You will suffer for me”) or more of pick-up play (“You like what i’m doing”)… It is aslo a dream scenario for many rope bottoms: “They knew exactly what to do / how to touch me / how to challenge me…”

Obviously, none of them is better or worse than another. At the end, it’s all about what you enjoy and what the purpose of your play is. 

I just like the idea of opening up different possibilities. Seduction does not equal Pick up. Power exchange does not equal DS. There are milion different ways to relate in ropes. And the hottest play we probably have with the partner that thinks alike. Look for what is really there between you and your partner. That cannot be wrong…