In our workshop in VoxBody I was asked how somatics influences my rope bottoming / teaching approach. Whilst there was no space for lengthy discussion at the workshop, I would love to write a few words on that.
Well, where to start? It’s not just a number of tools. It’s more like a life philosophy.
Part I. Embodiment
I start with a humbleness and respect for the body and body’s individual expressions based on the understanding that we literally embody our history, habits, safety mechanisms, strategies.
Very concrete: our memories live in our tissue. Have you noticed? Whenever we are brought to a certain situation from the past (or something that reminds us of that situation from the past), our body will take the shape it learned that helped us at that time. Our shoulders go up, our throats shut down, our stomachs get stone hard.
Body is not a thing, it’s a process, a living organism (soma – there is a word for it!) that embodies strategies learned somewhere, somehow, how to survive, to belong, to thrive. We will always react to the circumstances within a toolbox we have available. It will look and feel unique – build on your unique experience.
Therefore, all of our expressions have their reasons and they all beautifully make sense. There is never something “wrong” with you and me. It might be not helpful (as it is often not helpful to react from our historical shape to the new situation), but it is never “wrong” and always, always – always! makes sense…
When you understand these are not shortcomings, these are life strategies of yours, you like to approach these with tact and sensitivity. At least, that’s what it did to me and I feel touched and fascinated every time I see the individuality and uniqness shining through the movement, posture, voice of the person in front of me.
Part II. Resilience
I like to continue with the recognition that our bodies (not things, but living organisms – somas!) have immense capacity for change, learning and transformation. We are not doomed to live forewer with the ghosts from the past. You know why? Because somas never stop learning. Most amazingly, they just never stop! Once the circumstances change, your living organism will immediately start the process of becoming accustomed to it.
This change will not go smoothly. It will be bumpy. We might feel split. Our brains (always on the lookout for danger!) will insist on keeping the old pattern – safe is safe. But our bodies, our somas, will be ready to learn the new possibility: to straighten the back and drop these shoulders, let the voice sink deeper in our throat, breathe deeper and lighter – just give them the chance.
In this transition from familiar to a new territory, there will be confusion and mixed feelings, insights and stuckness, joy and frustration. It is helpful to have a framework and a method, and maybe a teacher or a mentor supporting you along the way. But the main resource is your soma and its inherited quality of resilience: never-ending ancient urge to survive, to belong, to thrive. There is a possibility of change – for as long as we are alive.
Part III. Method
Which brings me to the method. Method is there to open doors for you (quite literally, enable the somatic opening) and not to give the complete answers. The question of intention, of what you personally want to practice, exercise… of what you want to become, if you will, can only be answered individually.
The method of enabling the personal transformation I personally found in somatics. It is rooted in understanding that we are not a thing, but the process, and we function through embodying certain patterns. We enable change by paying attention to the life of our bodies. Awareness brings us a possibility of choice. When we are aware of what we are exercising, we can consciously choose to exercise a new pattern, different from our historical pattern.
In the somatic process of transformation, there is no end goal. There is no answer to what you should be doing, feeling, looking like.
Part IV. Rope
Consequently, this is how we (me and my partner) approach Kinbaku. It’s a bit awkward, but I need to speak for both of us for a moment, as this is a couple practice – and this is also something very special and very fascinating about rope bondage, as there are two bodies, two universes, meeting each other… encounter that has a potential for synergy.
We are not keen on shapes. We are interested in the process. For my partner, it’s a process of challenging the body, and for me, it is a process of learning to exist and stay connected to myself, in his challenging ropes, as I go through my emotional journey.
Coming from what i said above, as we practice and teach rope bondage, I believe it’s necessary to acknowledge the historical shape of each specific body and honour it and therefore look for the adaptations that might be challenging (if the challenge is what you are looking for), but not overwhelming – to this specific body.
I believe it is important to take time to learn how the body communicates – this specific body…. Isn’t it just fascinating to discover how each body is reacting, softening and hardening, coping with the challenge, sweating and shaking under the impact of a rope or a position, gasping for a sip of air and asking for more…
I believe it is important (paramount, in fact!) to observe, in order not to violate – this specific body.
That means everything is fluid – not rigid. There is no end shape. There is no “end emotion”. There is nowhere to get. There is nothing to show. Both of us (the rigger and the bottom) are learning to feel, to open up, to surrender – to the moment. That’s pretty much what we do when we tie, and that’s pretty much what we try to teach and share in our workshops. We probably often fail to transmit all the tools and techniques but hopefully, we never fail to transmit our focus, our fascination, and our respect – for the body.
(c) Picture from Brandon Roberts www.betterrugged.com IG @betterrugged
By the way, we will challenge "Bodies under pressure” once again in Kinbaku Lounge, Copenhagen - our second home - in March 2025, and I've heard there are still few places available - join us ;)