Safety in Ropes. Part One

safety rope bondage

I got to talk more about safety because it’s a foundation for being experimental, playful and spontaneous in ropes. It’s really about being comfortable to be uncomfortable. Without that, we are stuck in anticipation, control and micro-management.

I don’t mean the “big” feeling of safety when you’re afraid someone is going to come out of the bushes and physically attack you. What I mean is when your nervous system feels safe, like when you’re surrounded by your friends and you can let down your defences and show up as you are and it’s okay.

“I feel safe here” we say about the atmosphere in the room.

“I feel safe with you,” we say to someone with whom we feel we can be honest and vulnerable.

That kind of internal sense of safety is what I’m talking about here. For me, for example, safe people are confrontable. That is, I can confront them with how I feel about certain things, and they will take it seriously and look into it. They may disagree or have their own perspective (for sure!), but it will not be explained away. But that is just my example. We all have different mechanisms and needs around safety.

When do you feel safe?

Deep inside, you know the feeling. Maybe it feels all fuzzy for you and it’s just a little reminiscence of a feeling, all covered by gray clouds like Berlin sky. That’s also okey to acknowledge: it’s fuzzy for me.

But don’t settle for a mental concept. I’m not talking about understanding. I’m talking feeling.

Maybe you can think of one situation where you experienced safety. How did your body feel in that moment? Maybe you can name one body sensation? That’s what I’m talking about.
Look for it: in your life, in your people, in your surroundings. That’s your compass. When you are intimately familiar with that feeling, you can consciously challenge it – if you choose to do so.

Without it, we are stuck in anticipation, control, and micro-management. In ropes and in life.

We’ve got to talk more about safety. Safety comes before surrender. In fact, there is no surrender without safety first.

That was part one today. I don’t know how many parts there will be. But I have more to say.